Title: FAMILIARITY BREEDS APPRECIATION!

Text: 1 PETER 4:8 KJV

“Above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”

PROVERBS 10:12 “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins.”
INTRODUCTION:

Most of us have heard the age-old proverb, “Familiarity breeds contempt.” This popular notion dates back to Aesop’s fable of  ‘The Fox and the Lion’, in which the fox, initially terrified of the lion, eventually grows so accustomed to him that he loses all fear for the beast. The moral being that repeated exposure to something dangerous strips away healthy fear or awe.

Our culture treats this old saying like it’s an absolute law of human nature. We just assume that spending time with someone means we’ll eventually get sick of them.

However, as believers, we must measure the world’s wisdom against the backdrop of Holy Scripture. Is it truly inevitable that proximity leads to contempt? Does being closer to someone automatically guarantee that we will resent them? While it certainly happens in a fallen world, it doesn’t have to!

The saying can also be understood as – the more you know someone or something, the more you see their faults. Closeness exposes reality. The glossy surface gives way to glaring light. You begin to see their flaws, their annoying habits, their emotional shortcomings, and their moral blemishes. Because you see them up close, you lose respect for them.

While closeness undoubtedly reveals human imperfection, Scripture teaches us that closeness should NEVER be the trigger for contempt. Why? Because the Bible declares that “love covereth all sins” (Proverbs 10:12). Where carnal human nature sees a flaw and reacts with disdain, divine Christian love sees a flaw and responds with a mantle of mercy. As the Apostle Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 13:4–5, “Charity suffereth long, and is kind… is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil.” True Christian love chooses not to keep a mental ledger of human imperfection.

THE SPIRITUAL TRUTH WE MUST DECLARE TODAY IS THIS: FAMILIARITY DOES NOT HAVE TO BREED CONTEMPT; IN A SPIRIT-FILLED HEART, FAMILIARITY BREEDS APPRECIATION.

I am vastly more familiar with my wife today than I was when we first met over three decades ago. I know her habits, her preferences, her strengths, and her weaknesses better than anyone else on earth. Yet, twenty-seven years of familiarity have not bred contempt—they have paved the way for profound appreciation, deep intimacy, and unconditional love.

The same dynamic should mark our relationship with the local church, with our biological families, and with our brothers and sisters in Christ. As Paul exhorted the believers in Thessalonica, we ought to grow familiar with those who labor among us so that we may “esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake” (1 Thessalonians 5:12–13).

Philip Brooks once said, “Familiarity breeds contempt, only with contemptible things or among contemptible people.”

If familiarity breeds contempt in our hearts, the problem is not the person we are looking at; the problem is the spiritual condition of the heart doing the looking. We must actively take spiritual steps to guard our hearts and prevent any sense of contempt from arising in our relationships.

I. FERVENT CHARITY IN OUR RELATIONSHIPS (1 Peter 4:8)

“Above all things have fervent charity among yourselves…”

A. COVERING the Multitude of Sins

CHARITY Shall Cover (1 Peter 4:8): The Apostle Peter uses the phrase “fervent charity.” The word ‘fervent’ comes from a Greek athletic term meaning ‘to stretch out fully.’ It can also mean earnest, or burning like a glowing fire. It pictures a muscle stretched to its absolute limit. When someone hurts us or when their flaws irritate us, our natural human inclination is to recoil and expose. But fervent charity stretches beyond our comfort zone to throw a mantle of grace over human weakness. Love does not broadcast a brother’s fault; it covers it.

Charity Is Not Easily Provoked (1 Corinthians 13:4–5): True Christian love “suffereth long, and is kind.” It does not have a quick temper or get easily angered when things do not go its way. It “thinketh no evil”—meaning it does not maintain a mental record of wrongs or dwell on malicious thoughts. Contempt feeds on a mental ledger of past offenses, but charity wipes the slate clean every single morning.

B. CONFRONTING Unreasonable Expectations

Beware of Unreasonable Expectations in Fallen People: Much of our contempt stems not from people’s behavior, but from our own foolish, unscriptural expectations. Everything on this earth is flawed, broken and will always fall short of the perfection that God created in the Garden of Eden. Only the Word of God is infallible. When we place unrealistic expectations of absolute perfection upon our spouses, pastors, or fellow church members, we set them up for failure. Yet, when we approach people with realistic grace, we often discover that they are far better and more gracious than they appeared from a distance!

It is not familiarity that breeds contempt; it is our unrealized expectations of personal happiness from another that breed bitterness. When we expect another human being to make us complete, we demand of them what only Jesus Christ can give. When you show contempt toward a brother or sister, it reveals nothing about their worth—it simply reveals your own lack of spiritual charity.

ILLUSTRATION: MY WIFE OF 27 YEARS

Think of the marital journey. When a young couple stands at the altar, they know a fictionalized, romanticized version of one another. Twenty-seven years later, Celeste and I, after surviving sleepless nights, financial trials, physical aging, and sickness, the mystery is gone—but in its place is something infinitely superior: covenant intimacy. Familiarity didn’t destroy our bond; it stripped away shallow romance to reveal enduring, immovable devotion. Familiarity paves the highway to deep appreciation

The people you are most familiar with—your spouse across the breakfast table, your children in the hallway, your fellow church member in the pew—are the ultimate proving ground of your faith. They are the daily test of whether you possess fervent charity. Today, make a conscious choice: when you see a flaw, choose to cover it with grace rather than criticize it with disdain.

‘Fervent charity’ means love overlooks because it cares far more about the person than their shortcomings.

II. FOCUSED APPRECIATION FOR GOD’S PEOPLE (1 Thessalonians 5:12–13)

“…and to esteem them very highly in love for their work’s sake.”

A. FAVORING Those Who Labor

Become Familiar and Esteem Them (1 Thessalonians 5:12–13): Paul instructs the church to “know them which labour among you.” Christians are to recognize their leaders, not by their title but by their service. This means understanding their sacrifices and recognizing their toil. Close inspection of God’s servants should not lead to critical nitpicking; it should open our eyes to how hard they labor on our behalf. Familiarity with leadership and servants of Christ should breed honor, never disrespect.

However, sometimes when you spend a lot of time together, it is easy to take their presence for granted. We become accustomed to their goodness until it becomes invisible to us. But true spiritual maturity takes time to pause, look closely, and choose honor over hurt.

B. FINDING It’s Often Better Up Close

When we get to know people and practice fervent charity, we find that they are often better than our first impression.

Realize Grace is Revealed Up Close: Satan tempts us to believe that the closer we look, the uglier things get. But when you look closely at a child of God through the lens of faith, you see something magnificent: God’s grace at work in spite of human failings. You see quiet sacrifices, behind-the-scenes faithfulness, and silent endurance that you never would have noticed from afar!

When focused appreciation replaces judgmental criticism, familiarity stops being a wall that keeps people apart. Instead, it becomes a bridge that allows sweet fellowship, genuine intimacy, and holy affection.

ILLUSTRATION: THE LOCAL CHURCH

Satan’s main goal and tactic against the local church is to make it feel routine. He wants you to grow so familiar with the preaching, the singing, and the fellowship that you become cynical and lukewarm. But God wants you to look at the local church with fresh eyes every Sunday! He wants you to see a blood-bought assembly of saints, saved by grace, fighting the good fight of faith together.

Here is your assignment this week: take out a sheet of paper and write down the names of three people you are extremely familiar with—perhaps a spouse, a Sunday school teacher, or a ministry worker. Write down three specific ways God is using them, and then send them a note expressing your gratitude. “Esteem them very highly in love.”

Focused appreciation sees the fingerprint of God on familiar faces and pauses to thank Him for them.

III. FIRM RESOLVE TO GUARD OUR HEARTS (Proverbs 4:23)

“Keep thy heart with all diligence; for out of it are the issues of life.”

A. FIGHTING the Feeling of Contempt

We Must Take Active Steps to Prevent Contempt: Contempt is a subtle poison. It rarely invades a heart overnight; it creeps in through unaddressed offenses, small dismissive thoughts, and silent rolling of the eyes. If left unchecked, it hardens into root bitterness (Hebrews 12:15). You must guard your heart with all diligence. The moment a contemptuous thought enters your mind regarding someone you know well, kill it immediately with prayer and charity.

Remember Phillips Brooks’ Warning: If you find yourself consistently feeling contempt toward those around you, ask yourself the hard question: Am I becoming a contemptible person? A cynical, overly critical heart reflects a lack of Christlikeness, not a high standard of holiness.

B. FOSTERING Intimacy Through Love

Love Overlooks Flaws and Shortcomings: Proverbs 10:12 reminds us that while “hatred stirreth up strifes… love covereth all sins.” Bitterness loves to play the archaeologist—it’s always digging up old dirt and reopening past arguments. But true love builds. It lays down a foundation of forgiveness.

Charity Suffers Long and Is Kind: When you cultivate a heart of sacrificial love, long-suffering kindness replaces quick irritation. Instead of pulling away in emotional distance and harboring resentment, you move toward others in restorative grace.

ILLUSTRATION: COVERING LIKE CHRIST

Consider how the Lord Jesus Christ treats us. I used to ask this question of those I counsel, “Would you like to be forgiven the way you forgive others, or to be forgiven the way God forgave you?” I tell you, no one knows you better than Jesus. He is intimately familiar with your secret thoughts, your private failures, your inconsistencies, and your flaws. Yet, knowing every single one of your sins, He did not look upon you with contempt. He looked upon you with compassion! He did not expose you to public shame; He went to Calvary’s cross and covered your sin with His own precious blood. That is the ultimate model for our homes and our church.

Before you speak a single word about someone you live with or serve with this week, run your words through this biblical filter: “Am I covering their flaws, or am I exposing them?” Let your speech be seasoned with grace, so that it builds up the hearer rather than tearing them down (Ephesians 4:29).

Firm resolve chooses charity every single time familiarity tempts us toward contempt.

CONCLUSION

A. The world relies on human wisdom and declares: “Familiarity breeds contempt.”

B. The Word of God reveals divine truth and declares: “Above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”

C. It is not familiarity that breeds contempt, but our own lack of fervent charity.

As we close today, I ask you to look honestly into your own heart. Who is the person in your life that you have grown so familiar with that contempt has quietly begun to creep in?

• Is it your spouse, whom you once cherished, but now constantly critique?
• Is it your children, whose faults you highlight more than their progress?
• Is it your pastor, your church leaders, or your fellow church members?

Today, you can lay that burden of cynicism at the feet of Jesus. Ask God to forgive you for harboring a critical spirit. Ask Him to pour out His fervent charity into your heart today—the kind of love that covers a multitude of sins and esteems others highly in love.

Let us choose appreciation over annoyance. Let us choose sacrificial love over selfish contempt.

CLOSING PRAYER

“Dear God and Heavenly Father, we come before You acknowledging our deep need for Your grace. Forgive us for the times we have allowed closeness to turn into coldness, and familiarity to turn into contempt. Soften our hearts today. Fill us with that fervent charity that covers a multitude of sins. Teach us to guard our hearts, to esteem our brothers and sisters, and to see Your grace in the familiar faces around us. Keep contempt far from our homes and far from our church assembly. In Christ’s precious and holy name, we pray, Amen.”