Title: ADVICE FOR OTHERS, BUT NOT FOR ME

TEXT: 2 Samuel 14:18-22 KJV

2 Samuel 14:21 KJV

And the king said unto Joab, Behold now, I have done this thing: go therefore, bring the young man Absalom again.

James 1:22 — “But be ye doers of the word, and not hearers only…”

INTRODUCTION:  

In 2 Samuel 14, King David found himself trapped in a spiritual paradox. Three years prior, his son Absalom murdered his half-brother Amnon in revenge for raping Tamar (2 Samuel 13). Absalom fled into exile to Geshur. Joab, David’s army commander, recognized David’s longing for his son, yet observed that David refused to take administrative or fatherly action.

Joab hired a wise woman from Tekoa to act out a fictional tragedy before the king. She claimed to be a widow with two sons; one killed the other in a field, and now the clan demanded the execution of the surviving heir. She pleaded: “…and so they shall quench my coal which is left, and shall not leave to my husband neither name nor remainder upon the earth” (2 Samuel 14:7).

2 Samuel 14:10-11 KJV — “And the king said, Whosoever saith ought unto thee, bring him to me, and he shall not touch thee any more… As the LORD liveth, there shall not one hair of thy son fall to the earth.”

David gave flawless, godly, and merciful counsel. He stepped up instantly as a righteous judge to protect a widow’s son. But then came the dramatic trap (2 Samuel 14:13) “Wherefore then hast thou thought such a thing against the people of God? for the king doth speak this thing as one which is guilty, in that the king doth not fetch home again his banished.”

David was an expert counselor for everyone else’s household, yet totally blind to the hypocrisy, bitterness, and unresolved sin decaying inside his own home

This mirrors the exact rebuke Nathan gave to David in 2 Samuel 12:7 — “Thou art the man!” We are frequently master theologians when assessing our neighbor’s spiritual debts, but spiritual amnesiacs when facing our own obligations before God.

I. PREACHING WISDOM WITHOUT PERSONAL APPLICATION

Matthew 23:3 KJV — “All therefore whatsoever they bid you observe, that observe and do; but do not ye after their works: for they say, and do not.”

A. PRONOUNCING Uncompromising Truth to Others

David’s judgment for the Tekoite widow was rooted in grace, law, and justice. He knew the Scriptures, understood covenant mercy, and could render an instant verdict when someone else was on trial.

•  It is easy to quote Bible verses, counsel struggling friends, post scriptural graphics, and teach Sunday School classes while maintaining unexamined spiritual decay in our own private lives.
• Romans 2:21-23 — “Thou therefore which teachest another, teachest thou not thyself? thou that preachest a man should not steal, dost thou steal? Thou that sayest a man should not commit adultery, dost thou commit adultery? thou that abhorrest idols, dost thou commit sacrilege? Thou that makest thy boast of the law, through breaking the law dishonourest thou God?”

B. PASSING Over Our Own Unresolved Sin

David was furious at Amnon and hurt by Absalom, yet he refused to biblically address either sin. He harbored resentment and passive anger while outwardly appearing as Israel’s supreme judge.

1. When we pass judgment on others, we feel a false sense of righteousness. We mistake our ability to identify sin in others for our own righteousness before God.
2. Matthew 7:3-5 — “And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye?… Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”
   Proverbs 28:13 — “He that covereth his sins shall not prosper: but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy.”

Satan does not fear a Christian who merely memorizes the Bible; he fears the believer who actually obeys it. Knowledge without obedience is spiritual delusion.

II. PRESENTING A PUBLIC IMAGE WITHOUT PRIVATE INTEGRITY

Luke 6:46 KJV — “And why call ye me, Lord, Lord, and do not the things which I say?”

A. PERFORMING FOR PEOPLE While Failing under God’s Eye

When David realized Joab engineered the entire scenario, he asked (2 Sam 14:19) “Is not the hand of Joab with thee in all this?” Joab knew David’s psychological weakness—he knew David was governed by public perception and emotional hesitation rather than absolute obedience to God.

• It is possible to maintain a holy public persona—praying loudly in church, curating a pious digital presence—while harboring bitterness, lust, or unforgiveness behind closed doors.
• Ezekiel 33:31-32 — “And they come unto thee as the people cometh, and they sit before thee as my people, and they hear thy words, but they will not do them: for with their mouth they shew much love, but their heart goeth after their covetousness.”

B. PARTIAL OBEDIENCE and Compromised Pretense

Look at David’s shallow compromise in 2 Samuel 14:24: “And the king said, Let him turn to his own house, and let him not see my face. So Absalom returned to his own house, and saw not the king’s face.”

•  David recalled Absalom from physical exile, but maintained emotional separation for two full years (2 Sam 14:28). This was legal compliance without spiritual reconciliation. It produced a bitter, resentful son who spent those two years plotting a bloody rebellion against his father.
• 1 Samuel 15:22 — “Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.
• Titus 1:16 — “They profess that they know God; but in works they deny him, being abominable, and disobedient, and unto every good work reprobate.”

God never accepts partial obedience as righteousness. Half-hearted restoration only fertilizes the seeds of future destruction.

III. PAYING THE PRICE OF HYPOCRITICAL INCONSISTENCY

Galatians 6:7 KJV — “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap.”

A. DOMESTIC RUIN: Problems Always Start at Home

Because David refused to practice God’s righteousness inside his own household, his royal family descended into civil war. Absalom stole the hearts of Israel (2 Sam 15:6), drove David out of Jerusalem in tears, and met a tragic death.

• Our children and family members listen to what we preach, but they follow what we practice. Absalom learned political maneuvering and spiritual pretense directly from observing the gap in his father’s life.
• Colossians 3:21, Ephesians 6:4 — “Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged… but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”

B. DESTROYED TESTIMONY and Divine Displeasure

Inconsistency destroys a Christian’s witness faster than any external persecution. When the world sees believers holding others to standards they refuse to keep themselves, Christ is mocked among the heathen.

• 1 John 3:18 — “My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth.”
• 1 Peter 2:12 — “Having your conversation honest among the Gentiles: that, whereas they speak against you as evildoers, they may by your good works, which they shall behold, glorify God in the day of visitation.”

You cannot export what you do not possess at home. Your true spirituality is best measured by how you live when the pulpit lights are off.

CONCLUSION:

King David’s story in 2 Samuel 14 is a solemn mirror held up to every believer. We see that:

1. Preaching Wisdom Without Personal Application makes us legalistic judges over others while remaining blind to our own condemnations.
2. Presenting a Public Image Without Private Integrity leads to partial obedience, unresolved bitterness, and hidden spiritual decay.
3. Paying the Price of Inconsistent Living destroys our families, sabotages our witness, and grieves the Holy Spirit.

• Where in your life are you prescribing biblical medicine to others that you refuse to swallow yourself?
• Are you holding an ‘Absalom’ in exile—professing forgiveness with your mouth, yet keeping them at a distance in your heart?
• Is your home suffering because your public piety exceeds your private devotion?
• Will you ask God today to close the gap between your lips and your life?